@CaseyMichelle__: Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn't doing his part of the chores around here
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@DaddyJew: Interviewer: what's your biggest weakness? Dwayne Johnson: *sweating nervously* certainly not paper that's for sure
@OldSpookMan: A homeless guy asked me "would you give me $5 for a sandwich?" I said "I don't know man, show me the sandwich first."
@BackrowSeats: Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have herpes. Laugh all you want. You'll still have herpes.
@NoahJWatkins: "Do you smell the updoc?", I say to my pet bunny. My bunny replies with silence. I know that someday he will say it and I am willing to wait