@Weird_Rash: Just got arrested for racing my Segway wearing an adult diaper and a Viking helmet. Still not clear which law I broke.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SondraDeeMe: [train] GUY: Please take my seat. ME: *adjusts pillow in my top to feign pregnancy* Thank you. GUY: How far along are you? ME: 5 stops.
@Lexi__Alexandra: A recent study shows 50% of people think that people who can't spell are idiots .. The other 50% said "that's ridiclious!"
@hippieswordfish: In the future when cats rule the world, the currency will be Cuteness and i will be a poor and lonely man
@SimplyRetard: "*RING**RING* in the middle Of night! "Hello?" "Hey man are you home?" "No dude i just picked up my house phone from Burger King."