@UNTRESOR: Just got kicked off a corn forum for saying you can eat the cob. I'll just sign up with a different name. They can't silence the truth.
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@markleggett: Whenever a woman tells me that she just wants to have a good time and sleep with me, I say "You can only pick one."
@mlinhart: Dear fork, I just wanted to inform you that you have a son. His name is Spork. Love always, Spoon PS: he has your hair.
@PajamaBen_: "The Sun is dying. We need help" the scientists are speechless. Cool Dad kicks in the door & removes his shades "It's daylight savings time"
@Reverend_Scott: JUDGE: I find you guilty of murder. Sentenced to life. LAWYER: But it was only 20 minutes of murder. JUDGE: Oh, then you're free to go.