@UNTRESOR: Just got kicked off a corn forum for saying you can eat the cob. I'll just sign up with a different name. They can't silence the truth.
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@belleykell: Motherhood means never questioning why you found a Stormtrooper in the toilet just now
@Shellsterca: *Goes fishing *Catches Spongebob *Hangs him on my wall as a trophy *Too lazy to buy a sponge *Uses Spongebob to clean toilet
@Tommytoughstuff: [the cops release the cadaver sniffing dogs into my living room for the third time this week] ME: *pauses netflix* I told you I'm not dead!
@TeflonPawn: By the power vested in me by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.