@TheCatWhisprer: Just got kicked out of Walmart for having a concealed belly button.
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@hippieswordfish: [police chase] FRIEND: ditch the stolen stuff ME: are u sure F: just do it M: *throws out stolen anchor and car comes to a screeching halt*
@BillPelicanBros: *job interview* Boss: Give an example of when you've done something creative Me: When I listed my 'experience' on the application form
@thenatewolf: ME: Detectives on tv always take people to diners to ask them questions. DETECTIVE: [sighs] ME: Maybe a few pancakes would jog my memory.