@hippieswordfish: [police chase]
FRIEND: ditch the stolen stuff
ME: are u sure
F: just do it
M: *throws out stolen anchor and car comes to a screeching halt*
@BillPelicanBros: *job interview*
Boss: Give an example of when you've done something creative
Me: When I listed my 'experience' on the application form
@Robert_Beau: For years I thought hitchhikers were complimenting my driving.
@thenatewolf: ME: Detectives on tv always take people to diners to ask them questions.
DETECTIVE: [sighs]
ME: Maybe a few pancakes would jog my memory.
@shutupmikeginn: If you get engaged and you and your partner both owns dogs do the dogs become brother and sister or are they married too?
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