@TheCatWhisprer: Just got kicked out of Walmart for having a concealed belly button.
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@weinerdog4life: Justin Beiber has 23 million followers and I just got unfollowed by a horse magazine.
@Malocallidus: I see dead people. Well actually they're stupid people, but give me a few minutes
@OhNoSheTwitnt: If a woman wears a ponytail holder on her wrist at all times that means she's always down to pull her hair back and fight you.
@pintofdraft: I'm quitting the blueberry only diet. I haven't lost a pound and I'm getting tired of blueberry pancakes, muffins and poptarts every meal.