@ch000ch: just got mad and flipped a table but it spun all the way around in landed right side up. everyone in Applebee's is clapping
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@KeetPotato: advice: describing someone's cupcakes as being "better than sex" is only a compliment if you aren't sleeping with them
@Playing_Dad: [@ Sunbeam Bread factory job interview] Boss: Your resume says you are "definitely not 3 ducks in a suit." 3 Ducks In A Suit: That's correct
@BillMc7: Geese and swans mate for life. And that explains why it's very common for geese and swans to fly into jet engines.
@yonewt: My wife's signature move is asking me a question then turning on the faucet when I answer.