@JosesLovesYou: Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
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@Baldylockzzz: Nothing says " My divorce didn't go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars
@AndRyanTF: I just took such a long hot shower that when I finished, Captain Planet was standing in my bathroom with arms crossed shaking his head at me
@Cnelson019Carol: According to the stores .I should be in a Halloween costume, sitting under a Christmas tree eating turkey . I'm so confused.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: I'm supposed to find out more about my hero for school. Me: Aw, you came to me. 5: Yeah. Can you tell me more about Batman?