@KateQFunny: Just got off 30 min phone call w a friend who has twin 2 yr olds, & even tho i havent had sex in a week I'm taking a morning after pill NOW.
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@FatherWithTwins: Me: What do you want for breakfast? 4yo: Bagel Me: *makes it 4yo: Tricked you! I wanted toast Me: Nice trick. Now, eat your bagel
@Test_of_Steron: Copied tweets with higher no. of RTs remind me of tht incident when Charlie Chaplin entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest n came 3rd.
@fart: theres a train nerd counting the number of ppl that get on and off at every stop. at first i pitied him but he seems happy so now i hate him
@benrector: Me: hey, I'm looking for an email. iPhone mail: this one from 2012, unrelated to your search? Me: no it was last week iPhone: can't find it.