@KateQFunny: Just got off 30 min phone call w a friend who has twin 2 yr olds, & even tho i havent had sex in a week I'm taking a morning after pill NOW.
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@Kim_pulsive: I plan to scary-haunt anyone who says "she wouldn't want us to be sad" at my funeral. If you're not sad that I'm gone forever you deserve it
@Playing_Dad: As we develop robots, we should make them out of pretzels or cotton candy that way if they become self aware we could just eat them
@OhNoSheTwitnt: "Where do babies comes from?" Well, son, when a man and a woman love each other very much they make poor decisions.
@Just_Lee_: My revenge for being designated driver is putting my car seat warmers on high and convincing my drunk friends that they pee'd in their pants