@mzeld: Just got off the phone with my mom. She had a nice talk.
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@natedog2049: What is this alien looking thing in a wig trying to sing? Oh wait thats Nicki Minaj. Why would an alien in a wig pick Nicki Minaj as a name?
@iAmJuddy: Chef: What kind of bread would you like? We have wheat, rye, white... Me: Black bread. Chef: We don't have that. Me: Racist.
@XplodingUnicorn: I can fake my way through most conversations with my kids if I just look up from my phone every time they stop talking and say "no."