@CptBombs75: Just got out of the shower and lotioned up Unfortunately I'm not a chick so this won't get 624 faves
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@hazelmotes1: Superman: I'm my own worst enemy. Lex Luthor: oh. That's nice. I'm literally standing right here.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: The sculpture of Amelia Earhart in the Burbank airport doesn't give me that warm fuzzy feeling before flying.
@Chumpstring: BARTENDER: taste this beer ME: [tastes it] omg i literally can't even BARTENDER: it has pumpkin spice in it ME: hmm... yeah that explains it