@HelmdawgE: Just got unfollowed by exorcist scary looking lady with crazy eyes who has "will get in cars with strangers" in her bio. I'm hiding........
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@MissBamantha: A Haiku For My Salad: I do not like you You will never be grilled cheese You make my mouth sad
@SouthernStylin1: 9 called to ask how much bleach it takes to get purple ink out of carpet and because she's so cute and at her dad's I went with all of it!
@vineyille: "Food expiration dates are lies. It's all about control." My knife breaks as I cut into a plate of milk. "I'm saving this for later."
@SatansTongue: *el chapo dies* God: okay I'm gonna have to send you to hell Chapo: ok *3 weeks later* Angel: El Chapo has escaped from hell