@fuzzlime: just got vinegar in my eye so I totally get it, girls who get vinegar in their eye
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@1Bad_Scientist: *at Thanksgiving dinner* Me: One of you is eating poison green bean casserole. Everyone: *gasp* Me: Just kidding you all are.
@JordyHamrick: Ladies, the next time a guy has the courage to talk to you, remember he's not wearing makeup. Also, remember what you look like without it.
@oxygenplug: "Yo bro this horse is actin a little weird" "Dude thats my dog get off" "why is ur horse so small" "Its a DOG" Why u pronouncing horse weird
@FatBottomGirl1: We've secretly replaced the G with a K on this bottle of Jergens. Let's see if he notices.