@CYComedy: Just had too much fun with a woman who lost her son named "Marco" in the supermarket just now.
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@bombsydoll: [walks into my bedroom to find my sister having sex with my bf] SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS I CAN'T BELIEVE UR DOING THIS TO ME THAT'S WHERE I EAT!!!
@KeetPotato: [lightbulb store] owner: "what watt can i get you?" me: owner: me: owner: "did i stutter?" me: "i dont know"
@Parkerlawyer: I woke up this morning feeling ever so confident that today was the day I would commit myself to physical fitness. Right after I finish this bacon, egg, and cheese McGriddle.