@jwoodham: Just heard a dad threaten to spank his screaming son "in front of the world." Stand your ground, kid. There's no way he has that technology.
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@samalmightysam: God was able to create everything in only 6 days cause he didn't have a woman next to him telling him what color she wanted everything to be
@JVarsityCaptain: My ex can't take his new girlfriend to basketball games because she gets pissed when the whole stadium makes fun of her by yelling REBOUND!
@robdelaney: Always have a fake name at the ready so you don't tell the cops something stupid, like "Andrew Granola."