@kcmoore51: Just heard a lady in Target scream "WE DON'T BUY THINGS JUST TO BUY THINGS" at her kids and now I kinda wish she'd have a talk with me also.
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@KentWGraham: When I awoke from the car accident in a full bodycast, my wife was right at my bedside to let me know that childbirth is still more painful.
@gossipgriII: using microsoft word *moves an image 1 mm to the left* all text and images shift. 4 new pages appear. in the distance, sirens.
@TheDailySchmuck: Damn, girl are you Twitter? Because I can't stop staring at you and saying stupid things.
@QwertyJones3: TIME TRAVELER: I'm here from the future ME: Really? Who wins the election? TT: Omg it's such a disgrace ME: You need to be more specific