@kcmoore51: Just heard a lady in Target scream "WE DON'T BUY THINGS JUST TO BUY THINGS" at her kids and now I kinda wish she'd have a talk with me also.
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@GensPlace: Trying to explain to H that when the doctor said he can have one red wine a day, he didn't mean bottle.
@PlainTravis: Co-Worker: Any of you ever smoke a turkey? Me: No, I always have trouble finding papers big enough to roll it in.
@primawesome: Attack today with a positive attitude. Absolutely destroy it with good vibes. Murder its family with hope.
@PsychoCesc: The awkward moment when someone's zipper is down & you don't know whether to tell, because you can't explain why you were looking that low.