@meganamram: Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won't send MY dog to obedience school
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@murrman5: excuse me, waitress? "I'm not a waitress" Oh, what are you then "Well, I'm a..*turns to other burger king employee* what the hell are we?"
@PaperWash: doctor looking at his iPad: oh no, this isn't good ... Me: give it to me straight doc what is it doctor: well, I forgot my wifi password
@Spaziotwat: OF COURSE IT'S A GENUINE BEETHOVEN! Look at those brush strokes, the stunning use of colour.
@lwhit_the_boss: If Jay-Z is married to Beyonce and is a multimillionaire and still has 99 problems then there ain't no hope for the rest of us