@meganamram: Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won't send MY dog to obedience school
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@RxitWounds: *Power goes out* Wife: I can't see! *Shoes light up* Me: Ha! Whose shoes were "a waste of money" & "clearly meant for a large child" now?!
@JermHimselfish: As you get older, dirty talk turns into "Yeah baby, take that nap. Take all of it honey. You like that couch? Oh yeah, sleep on it..."
@JasonLastname: Sitting here at Starbucks, everyone looking at their phones and only one person's noticed mine's a calculator.