@ieatanddrink: Just heard that distinct "baby fell out of the crib and into a pizza that was on the floor" sound
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@Reverend_Scott: Rum: "Drink me." Me: "No, I'll get a hangover." Rum: "Nah, you'll get funnier and better looking!" Me: "Really?" *drinks* Rum: "Sucker."
@PaulyPeligroso: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Hide all that weed because police lights are too.