@ieatanddrink: Just heard that distinct "baby fell out of the crib and into a pizza that was on the floor" sound
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@MUMSIEesq: Anytime I pass an unlocked minivan I throw a few of my kids' most annoying toys in the trunk.
@usermcuserface: Manager to waiter: Wait for it.. Wait for it.. (Sees me take a huge bite of food) Go! Go! Go! Waiter: so how is everything today?
@Rollmaninoz: Me: Will my girlfriend be ok using Chanel 5 if she's never used Chanel 1-4 Salesgirl: *into walkie talkie* security he's back here again