@yoyoha: Just heard they're investigating a slaughterhouse in California for animal cruelty. IT'S A SLAUGHTERHOUSE
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@pleatedjeans: new boss: mind sharing an office? me: no NB: Good [points to room filled w/wolves] bc we finally contained them please keep the door closed
@ch000ch: me: an open casket with my vape pen hanging from my mouth wedding DJ: i meant final requests for songs man
@pattonoswalt: "Just make sure Nazis NEVER march with tiki torches. I'm trying to save Germany, not Gilligan's Island." -- Hitler's last words
@LittleHarmonica: I hate it when people think I'm staring when really I'm trying to kill them with my mind.