@kevinseccia: Just hit a racist with my car. Probably a racist. I feel like he was. Statistically, very likely. Oh so you think there's no racism problem?
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@chuuew: [baby taking first step] ME: OMG! He's doing it! BABY: My name is Steve and I'm an alcoholic
@AnkCoupleTO: [college career fair] Me: I cheated my way through school, lied to professors & learned nothing, FML *CIA recruiter hires me on the spot*
@spookperson: white people eradicated entire populations for spices and yet the bay leaf remains a mystery