@snatch_stache: Just hit a white kid with dreadlocks with my car. He understood why.
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@Dutch_50: My grocery store keeps rearranging the produce section. If I need to work this hard to find bananas, there better be a damn tropical breeze!
@reesespiece_: The door to door bible people just skipped my house! See, all it takes is trying to kiss the guy and he wont be back (until 3am)
@SaddestFinger: how to fall down a long set of stairs: step 1) step 1 step 2) step 3 step 3) step 7 step 4) step 10 step 5) step 15 step 6) step 26