@thepunningman: Just how popey was the pope today?
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@peachesanscream: A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. So would mine, probably, if I was having sex with something made out of bacon.
@theshantilly: How long can one listen to a kid talk before it's officially considered a hostage situation?
@Jake_Vig: Before I get out of an elevator, I hug every single person in there with me and whisper in their ear “You’ve taught me so much.”
@schumyxxx: When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for two?", I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see her too?".