@rzarosco: Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
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@eggnook: Wife: What are you gonna do today? Me: Shower. W: ...what else? M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.
@AmishPornStar1: Trump assures Abe that he supports Japan 100%! "I mean, I saw Godzilla like, 7 times!" says Trump.
@KeetPotato: wife: [crying] "he always calls me weird pet names" therapist: "what do you mean?" me: [arriving late] "what's wrong my little hovercraft?"
@BruceForce: t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t ~ just dotting some i's and crossing some t's.