@rzarosco: Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
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@HiddenPinky: How'd you get a black eye? Walked into a door. [Later, another shiner] More doors? *nods* One does not simply walk into more doors.
@LaziestCanine: Doctor: this might hurt a little bit Me: okay Doctor: i like you, but only as a friend
@HelmdawgE: Relationship status: Putting aloe on the wall and rubbing against it to apply in places that I can't reach.
@tastefactory: "What's taking the pharmacist so long? It's just one prescription" *behind the counter the pharmacist is sinking in quicksand and screaming*