@rzarosco: Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
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@Junkyardigan: What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. *drops mic* *deletes account*
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: I want u to be more spontaneous ME: ok [later] ME: *hides in closet with goalie mask on waiting for her to walk by*
@MauriceBlitz: I'm convinced when squirrels run the road, nearly missing your car, it must be some kind of squirrel gang initiation.
@GeorgiaSweet20: *walks into confessional, closes door and sits down* Me: Alright. Look alive over there, Father, I've had a pretty wild week...