@kalmooha: Just Instagramed picture of a dog. Now I will have to eat it.
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@KalvinMacleod: I’m so hungry I could eat a hor— *horse walks by snorting aggressively* ticulturalist *horticulturalist pops up trimming hedge aggressively*
@NicCageMatch: Contents of my wallet just spilled all over the cashier's counter, so embarrassing, spiders everywhere.
@WritePlay: AMAZON: Did you buy a watch?! ME: Yeah, it's- AMAZON: You might want THIS watch! ME: No I already- AMAZON: ONLY WATCHES FOR YOU, FOREVERMORE