@kalmooha: Just Instagramed picture of a dog. Now I will have to eat it.
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@turkeyheadmac: Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don't apply the brakes
@JermHimselfish: Your hands aren't tied down when you're at the dentist, you're allowed to put your hands in his mouth too.
@Ristolable: I never made it as a firefighter. I thought arsonists were people who hated arson, so every time we met one I thanked him for his support
@roostermustache: Me: can i play music Funeral director: that's not appropriate Me: nana would've wanted it Director: ok CD player: someBODY once told me