@Donnie_Fairburn: Just installed the iOS 9 update and I've already noticed a significant increase in my phone's battery life! This is aweso
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@_Ms_Moneypenny_: The FedEx guy said I look like a sexy pirate. I'm not sure if that's considered sexual harassment or flirting.
@david8hughes: [cat shelter] Me: so u don't test for it but u say none of them have it? Owner: we've never come across a cat with martial arts training, no
@lawblob: video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
@TheHyyyype: [planning heist] LEADER: we can kill the alarm, but how do we get through the concrete wall? *everyone turns to look at the kool-aid man*