@tomatopasties: Just joined one of those Ashley Madison type websites. It's called Twitter
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@Book_Krazy: Silence is golden. Unless they're in the shower and you can't find their phone. In that case, silence is very very suspicious!
@iwearaonesie: If I had known I could hurt myself just by sneezing I wouldn't have been in such a hurry to grow up
@Shock_Monster: If your bio says "Producer, entrepreneur, DJ, & businessman" I'm assuming you misspelled "Lives with Mom, works at McDonalds."
@TheCareBare: "Baby last night you were so hot, let's do it all over again this morning." -me, speaking to this leftover pizza.