@HTownHarold: Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I'm now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
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@QwertyJones3: PILLOW: Hey, your anniversary is today, go buy her some flowers ME: Wow, thank God for memory foam
@myqkaplan: okay, so you're definitely the best at keeping your body completely still, what do you want, atrophy?
@wickedimproper: Sometimes when I want to make my girlfriend feel skinny, I just release about 25% of her from the air valve.