@HTownHarold: Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I'm now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
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@devansgorock: Pro Tip: don't believe everything on Twitter. Y'all said throw her up against the wall to keep her happy. Karen from accounting. Not Happy.
@TheToddWilliams: Millions of years ago dinosaurs ruled the earth but like all great empires they were eventually brought down by corruption and voter fatigue
@Pork_Chop_Hair: "I want us to exercise together and eat more salads", I said, turning to the spouse-shaped cartoon hole in the wall.