@HTownHarold: Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I'm now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
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@PaperWash: 6'5" guy: [starts a fight with me at the bar] me: [hides behind GF] GF: HEY, WHAT THE F- me: look, we need more strong female lead char-
@IamEveryDayPpl: Tom Cruise still does his own stunts at 55 and I just pulled a muscle reaching for the toilet paper...
@djdarrellripley: Her: You are so rude... I just hate you sometimes. When you die I'm gonna dance on your grave! Me: Not with those fat ankles!