@uccjeb: Just killed a spider IN MY BED!! So if you need me, I'll be burning down my home and looking for a new place to live.
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@shutupmikeginn: A trailer in a movie theater ended with "November 20th" and a guy loudly said, "thats my birthday" and a random guy said "happy birthday"
@crunchenhanced: I like my women how I like my microwaved food. Hot as hell on the outside and cold as ice on the inside.
@B_poling82: Hello, welcome to the evening news, where we're going to scare the shit out of you for 45 minutes, then weather & sports. Stay tuned.