@uccjeb: Just killed a spider IN MY BED!! So if you need me, I'll be burning down my home and looking for a new place to live.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@mattZillaaaa: [job interview] HR: Says here you're very good at multi-tasking *me taking a selfie & spinning in chair HR: *whispering "wow he's good"
@MomOnFire: Whenever I feel sorry for myself, I take my children to the grocery store. And then there's like 40 people feeling sorry for me.
@_Water_Baby: They say that unless you remember history you are destined to repeat it. -I say to myself every time I think about cutting bangs.
@mrjohndarby: [World Cat Conference] President Cat: We have to dispell these stereotypes about cats. We need to- *he pushes his own notes off the podium*