@uccjeb: Just killed a spider IN MY BED!! So if you need me, I'll be burning down my home and looking for a new place to live.
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@WritePlay: *dog barks at absolutely everything, every time* Me: SHUT UP *dog barks at burglar, one time* Me: It's like he just knew there was danger
@Playing_Dad: *consoling friend who is a baker* I'm really sorry about the fire at your bread shop. Looks like your business is toast now.
@gwatts77: A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.