@timdonakowski: Just lean back in your chair and say "caloric". It's exhilerating.
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@FunnyTunes: Friend: So, you are distantly related to the family next door, are you? Me: Yes, their dog is our dog's brother.
@LoriLuvsShoes: I just saw a woman with a tremendous amount of make up and I was really tempted to use my finger and write "wash me" on her face
@SadieSmithRoks: You can learn a lot about a man based on how he responds to a bird pooping on him. Also background checks and digging thru his trash.