@buck4itt: Just learned an important lesson: When texting "wish you were here," that last e kind of makes it or breaks it.
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@jokesforsmokes: "I have a bloody nose" - a British person emphasizing the fact that he has a nose.
@SaulKewl: Riley can be a little girl's name, it's not always a dog's name. If someone says Riley's been sick don't bring up euthanasia right away.
@ComedicBust: *On my Deathbed* Me: Tell Tac.. *cough* Wife: What sweetie? Tell who what?! Me: Tell Taco Bell their cheese to lettuce ratio is way off..