@skullpuppy11: Just like Hitler with the tiny mustache, Kim Jong-Un is ruining that haircut for everyone else.
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@lawyerthoughts: Dear law students: my opposing counsel just asked her witness how old she was when she turned 18. You'll be fine.
@itsboyschapter: you never gotta worry about me cheating on you... i might eat something that was yours but thats about it
@KeetPotato: a snail bet me £1000 he could get home before i could and i didn't really think it thru properly can anybody lend me money?
@alexlumaga: *workers slide massive stone block into place entombing me alive* me: *finally starting to wonder if this might be a pyramid scheme*