@KentWGraham: Just listed my wife as my emergency contact and added the note “please text, she doesn’t answer calls.”
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@CharmandBrains: I call bullshit on red wine reducing fat. If there was any truth to that, I'd resemble a crack addict.
@amishschool: My doctor said I can get back to my college weight if I simply go for a brisk three hundred mile walk each morning.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I'd run way more miles a day if someone holding a bagel was running in front of me and someone holding a spider was chasing after me.