@_SetTheHook_: Just looked in my 8 yr old son's bedroom and I'm pretty sure it can't be ruled out that the Malaysian jet may be in there somewhere.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Where were you supposed to poop? 2-year-old: The potty. Me: So why didn’t you? 2: I’m too busy.
@thatdutchperson: Clerk: Why do you need 200 condoms? Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks* *Spends night making balloon animals