@jumpdashark: My friend called me from a private number last night so I just returned the favor by knocking on his door with a ski mask on.

@MichaelGoffLA: "Engagement" can mean either planning to marry or initiating combat. Coincidence?

@zdarsky: I want a SPIDERMAN GO app where I have to get pictures of spiderman for a furious j jonah jameson

@WheelTod: Batman: Damn! Someone needs me! Date: That's not the bat signal! Batman: Date:You're just doing shadow puppettry on the wall with your hands

@ag_loco: Things I haven't seen in a while: 1) the 2yo I'm babysitting today 2) a man 3) my waist-line 4) my imaginary goat, Bill 5) my sanity