@RexHuppke: Just once I want to see a new parent post a baby photo on Facebook with the words: "Still not sure if we like it, tbh."
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@Arrogant_Twat: My stomach just made a really weird noise. I’m sending a pizza down to check it out.
@chris_isloi: When you give someone a present, unless you say "open it", they're legally not allowed to look inside.
@POTerritory: Editor: You wrote a play about Victorian England using menstrual blood as ink? Me: Yes, it's a period piece.