@MrBigFists: Just once I would like to hear an athlete thank God for their talent and their pharmacist for everything God left out.
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@ch000ch: i listed my ex as my emergency contact at my new job bc if i have a heart attack i need to tell kathy to burn in hell one last time
@RandomlyMJ: My exes new girlfriend has been calling me looking for him for days. It got old. I gave in and sent her the map and shovel.
@KalvinMacleod: GENIE: you have three wishes. ME: sweet, I wish for pie. GENIE: okay, whatever, you have 3.14 wishes.