@jordan_stratton: Just once, I'd like to sleep as deeply as a cartoon sheriff whose keys are dangling seductively from his belt.
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@angeliav68: Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they'll paw at you a little bit then give up and go look for food..
@finkelsteino: Hello, police, I have a burglar trapped in my home gym. Please hurry. The longer he's in there the more powerful he'll become.
@pork_steaks: "Was this car tested on animals?" "sir animals can't drive" "will this car enable animals to drive?" "No" "SO YOU DID TEST IT!" "god damnit"
@ieatanddrink: A gentleman never eats his soup by soaking it into his tie and squeezing it out into his mouth