@ScobeyWanKenobi: Just once I'd like to yell, "Don't you know who I am?!" because I'm important, not because I'm drunk and actually forgot.
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@mattsurely: When I see JUST MARRIED I like to think it means 'only married' like there are higher types of commitment but they just settled for marriage
@hazelmotes1: I just picked a Chapstick up from my bedside table, spent 30 seconds trying to get the lid off with my teeth, then realized it was a battery
@ibid78: "Babe there's something I've always wanted to do.." *tenderly moves her bangs away from her eyes then scotch tapes them to her forehead*
@KentWGraham: My two teenagers are very different. My son always wants money, whereas my daughter prefers the convenience of my credit card.