@NickSchug: Just once in movies when someone gently shuts a dead person's eyes I want them to whisper "Ew, ew, ew, ew." while doing it.
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@BigRadMachine: Me: *disappears for a few weeks* Friends: *No concern* Me: *Posts inspirational quote on FB* Friends: Dude, you okay? You need to talk?
@bazlyons: Turns out when you're asked who your favourite child is you're expected to pick from your own.
@UncleDuke1969: Billy: Hi! What's your name? Johnny: Johnny. B: Hey, what's THAT? J: An iPhone 4. Mom: Who's your new friend, Billy? B: Johnny. He's poor.