@muse_me_again: Just once when someone says, "Is anyone there?" in a scary movie, I want the villain to be like. "What up. I'm over here. You got me."
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@realHamOnWry: If you're lost in the forest start talking about politics. Someone is sure to show up to argue with you.
@mattytalks: I booked a suite at a 5 star hotel and when my girlfriend arrived,on the bed spelled out in rose petals was "be right out,I'm taking a shit"
@Canadian_Cutie_: My voicemail greeting: Its 2016, please hang up and text me before the beep so I don't get a notification.