@goodreads: Just one more chapter! (via @someecards)
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@mrtruthandsoul: The year is 2044. After trillions of dollars and thousands of lives lost, the SpaceX program lands a man on Mars. Mars: I have a boyfriend
@iwearaonesie: wife: as immature as you are, you do do a lot for this family, so thank you me: *giggles* wife: me: wife: ...go ahead me: "do do"
@Kali_Mura: Cop: So, I’m writing a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane. Me: You’re going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk.