@T_Bonezzz: Just one time I wanna see The Bachelor get a cold sore
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@Tharin_P: Whoever you are, you can't deny that Harry Potter & the Fallopian Tubes sounds like a legitimate title. Don't act like you wouldn't read it.
@AbrasiveGhost: What did u do last night? Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows? Me [covering tub of dead birds]: is that the saying?
@CakeThrottle: Bruce Willis: I hate when people talk during movies, I never do it Director: Yes but we're filming the movie now, do you see the difference
@abbycohenwl: Doc: The good news is this is a surprise birthday party! Patient: But my birthday's not till next month Doc:Which brings me to the bad news