@T_Bonezzz: Just one time I wanna see The Bachelor get a cold sore
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@lisaOoOo: I slept with the lights on last night because I missed the light switch with all 8 of the Nerf Darts I shot while lying in bed.
@MartaEffing: I hate when I'm cruising in my convertible, hair blowing in the wind, then realize I'm just sitting on my ride-on lawnmower. Drunk. Again.
@philEfanaddict: The first thing they teach you in AA is to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.