@AteSomeClowns: Just ordered some cops for my neighbours.
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@pleatedjeans: Me: we're throwing a surprise party for Tim Wife: don't you hate Tim? Me: [filling balloons with bees] yes
@TheRohiniReddy: Guys, I only wanna hear about your ex if she is dead.If you still talk about her, I'll murder her so we can have an interesting conversation
@ShutUpThatsWho: ME: gimme a double BARMAN: [places an exact replica of me on the bar] ME: no I meant a double Scotch BARMAN: [puts a kilt on my replica]