@ShawnIzadi: Just overheard a guy say he was buying a MacBook so he doesn't have to worry about the Ebola virus. What.
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@speevis: Back from my bike ride and I feel fit as a fiddle ... the fiddle, ya know, that most athletic of instruments...
@mcclure111: America: School 6-18 should be free. More than free! MANDATORY "Hey can you cover school 19-22 also?" No that's socialism "19-20?" SOCIALISM
@iwearaonesie: If you start smacking people with your wife's purse she won't ask you to hold it for her anymore
@RelatableQuote: How to break up with someone: You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: Which one? You: ME. You: BYEEEE