@ShawnIzadi: Just overheard a guy say he was buying a MacBook so he doesn't have to worry about the Ebola virus. What.
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@U_Want_Shum_M8: I dont know why people are disappointed when they find out a celebrity crush is married.As if that was their only obstacle to being together
@flashember: [Cop questioning suspected watermelon thief] COP: *squints* Was it you? GIRAFFE (who has watermelon-sized bulge halfway down his neck): Nope
@FunnyCauseImFat: At 1am I'm going to wake up my 2 year old by yelling his name and crying. Then, I'll crawl into his toddler bed. Let's see how he likes it.
@Jenny4ashley: SORRY I GOT IN THE VAN AND ATE ALL OF THE CANDY AND NOW YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ME.