@ShawnIzadi: Just overheard a guy say he was buying a MacBook so he doesn't have to worry about the Ebola virus. What.
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@conanobrienswyf: Clapping was invented by white people at concerts, because we have no idea what to do with our hands when we dance.
@daplusk: My doctor told me exercise will add years to my life. It's true. I just did 10 push ups and feel like i'm 80
@Tmoney68: [Getting ready to go out] Her: Is that what you’re wearing? Narrator: He thought it was, but he was wrong.