@alwayzintruble: Just put 3 sugar cubes in my tea, and by sugar, I mean xanax, because sugar is really bad for you..
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@Amusitr0n: Pizza Hut Employee: I'm sorry but we don't deliver bog grass. I'm not even sure what that is. Moose: [incoherent bellowing]
@FattMernandez: I like that they put Bibles in hotel rooms. You never know when you're going to run into a vampire who's on a road trip.
@kelkulus: Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we're pigs.
@Ideal_Victoria: Just once, I want someone to look at me and say, “That’s her. She’s the one” And not follow it with “who ate cake out of the garbage”