@BlondieBGbb: Just read "four years after pregnancy 38% of moms still were not drinking" I think it's safe to say this survey was not done on Twitter.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Woman: $150 for mice removal?! Me: Yep *dumps box of snakes* Woman: Get them out! Me: $300 snake removal fee *dumps box of mongooses*
@DirtMcTurd: I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
@jordan_stratton: If you think January has been a big month for marches, you're gonna lose your mind when you hear what the 3rd month of the year is called.
@BestWorstAdvice: If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't comeback, tell everyone she has herpes.