@BlondieBGbb: Just read "four years after pregnancy 38% of moms still were not drinking" I think it's safe to say this survey was not done on Twitter.
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@KeetPotato: [sex-ed lesson] now, unroll the condom down over the bana- what is it keith? "i ate my banana"
@MrsMikePatton: Maybe if we press "2" for Spanish, we'll actually get someone that speaks English better then the person on the "1" line.
@becks_bradley: Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don't even have a battery in my smoke detector and fire is real.
@abrianmc: I covered my gf with dough and raisins and put her in the oven to annoy her. Hell hath no fury like a woman sconed