@CelebrityChez: Just realized after two years that my boss is actually a grapefruit covered in ramen noodles with peanut eyes. Still very afraid of him.
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@tweetingdouche: Does anyone know how the lady reacted when Van Gogh gave her his ear? Was it positive? Cause I'm running out of ideas for gifts.
@HomeProbably: Top 3 times you should never play with a woman's hair: 1) When she's angry. 2) Just had a haircut. 3) If you don't know her.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: scalpel NURSE: scalpel M: sclissors N: scissors M: neeble N: are u sure u should operate on ur own brain M: *nods head diagonally* toast
@River_Niles: 2: I no want to eat pasta! It too spicy! Me: Oh ok then 2: I no wan watch Mickey Mouse he too spicy! Me: huh? 2: NO BATH TIME BATH TOO SPICY