@badbanana: Just realized I only had one meal today. One, thirteen-hour meal.
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@thepunningman: [Restaurant] "Good evening sir, would you like to hear the specials?" Yes please "THIS TOWN (AHH AHHH) IS COMIN LIKE A GHOST TOWN"
@DanMentos: *surgeon opens cooler during transplant* *cooler is full of Gatorade* "Wait but this means…" *cut to surgeon's kids dumping kidney on coach*
@ranndrew: I don't like the idea of bacteria in my yogurt so I mix it with hand sanitizer. It cuts down on the taste, but I sleep better at night.
@Kyle_Lippert: MIND BLOWING SCIENCE FACT: 20% of all car crashes are actually battles between the Autobots and the Decepticons.