@andiedandie0: Just realized my undies are on inside out .. Was gonna change them around . but I figured let the other side get sum action for a change .
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@daemonic3: [traffic court] Your honor, I'm here to dispute 4 of my 5 tickets JUDGE: Repeat infractions? Ok, I'm here to dispute ⁴/₅ of my tickets
@OBiiieeee: Son, your mom and I have been fighting a lot lately and we have decided that *dad piledrives mom into the coffee table* we're gonna go pro.
@LionJenkins: I measure my kids' ages in terms of percent complete out of eighteen years. My kids are 22% and 38%.