@andreahardy33: Just realized the girl I flipped off in the parking lot is in my next class.. This could be awkward.
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@moooooog35: Me: My wife got me a telescope for Christmas. Neighbor: Nice. I got- Me: I know. I watched you guys open everything.
@oxygenplug: "we're out of bread" "ciabatta be kidding!" [waiter takes out gun] "make another bread pun and ur toast, pal... shit" [i take out my gun]
@WilliamAder: Arrogant Co-Worker: Do you have any idea how many years of education I have? Me: Don't feel bad, I got held back a couple of times myself.