@erica_rosie: Just received a thank-you card from someone I sent a thank-you card to. Oh, it's on.
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@TheBoydP: [work email] Me: Can I meat the new guy? Boss: Meet? Okay, sure... Me: Great! *hides bag of steaks*
@jonnysun: a person who loves cats is not a cat person theyre a dog person who loves cats. a cat person is sombody who is completley apathetic to cats
@tayandmae: According to my iPhone 6, I could commit a heinous crime, without using gloves, and have a different fingerprint just minutes later