@erica_rosie: Just received a thank-you card from someone I sent a thank-you card to. Oh, it's on.
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@UncleDuke1969: A rusted van sits under a bridge. Rats gnaw on moldy Scooby Snacks. Shaggy takes a hit off the pipe. "WHY COULDN'T YOU LOVE ME VELMA?"
@BadMikeyBad: Thanks to SnapChat filters I'm now sexually attracted to girl rabbits, bats, and cocker spaniels
@MrMichaelRose: I went to Lowe's to buy a human-sized microwave & the guy loudly said they don't exist & then took me to a back room & they had lots of them