@carlyken: Just remember, every time someone misuses the word "epic" Zooey Deschanel covers another Smiths song on her ukulele.
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@moose_chocolate: Some might say I peed my pants. I like to say I voided my bladder into my trousers like the classy refined gentleman that I am. #bt140
@girl_a_whirl: [Exorcism] Priest: What is your name? Demon: Jim Wife: Jim who owes us $100 or hot Jim? Demon: Nice legs Carol Wife: Let's keep him. Next...
@Book_Krazy: Interviewer: Any questions? Me: On the sitcom Friends, how come the only couch at the coffee shop was always available for them?